A letter to the pushy football parent…

‘My dad thought he was doing the right thing but it basically made me fall out of love with football and quit’.

This was a chat with a friend a few weeks ago.

He was a good footballer as a kid.

Good…but not as good as his dad thought he was.

See, his dad thought he was doing the right thing by taking him here, there and everywhere in hope that he’d finally be ‘seen’.

Because surely that is the only reason why his son wasn’t yet in an academy?

He was just one of the unlucky ones who hadn’t been seen.

No. He just wasn’t good enough.

But onto to the next ‘development centre’ or ‘elite’ team they went.

This next place will be the one for sure…

This post is for the parents out there who believe academies are the be-all and end-all for their player.

This next sentence is a hard truth for you but it needs to be said…

If your child has been playing in a team for the last 2-3 seasons and they haven’t been scouted…They aren’t going to make it.

The good news?That doesn’t make them a bad person or you a bad parent.

Some people seem to believe that those who make it are the lucky ones because a scout saw them.

Scouts are everywhere. Trust us – your child has been seen.

Professional football is a door open to very few and there are things beyond anyone’s control as to who can reach that level.

Understand that if we had a time machine and went back to the day a professional footballer was born and swapped them with your child, or any other child, that child would not grow up to be as good at football as they are.

Professional level players are born with things that give them huge advantages – they must train hard and be ultra-competitive to eventually make it, but it is not enough for the vast majority to just train hard and be ultra-competitive.

They are lacking something that these players aren’t, and it can’t be coached into them.

We are privileged to be currently coaching players who are also playing at Leeds United,Manchester City, Manchester United, Bradford City, York City, Rotherham United and Doncaster Rovers.

We hope more than anything that every single one of them succeeds.

The truth? A high majority won’t come close.

It seems to be that some parents believe getting into an academy means their child has made it.

That could not be further from the truth.

The lesson of Jude Bellingham

We were fortunate enough to see Jude Bellingham (current Borussia Dortmund & England player) playing for Birmingham City’s academy a number of years ago when we attended a coaching course there.

He wasn’t just good. He was phenomenal.

He was head, shoulders, knees and toes above the rest of the academy players. Academy players!

The very best boys of that age. And he was running rings around them. It was borderline bullying.

That is the standard.

It was clear as day to anyone watching.

You do not need any kind of footballing expertise or insight to spot a player with the potential to go all the way – it looks as though they are playing a completely different game to the other players on the pitch.

The rest of those players in his group were there to make up the numbers and essentially facilitate Bellingham’s progression to pro-football.

Some may surprise and develop at at a later stage.

But 99% of them were there because the club knew that this one lad had a chance of making it.

Being just ‘one of the better players’ in a grassroots/school team is nowhere near good enough.

Very, very good academy players do not become professionals.

Only the best of the best.

Take your rose-tinted glasses off at your child’s next game.

Now, be completely honest, were they running rings around everyone?

Were they so far ahead of every other player on that pitch?

Was it almost like watching a man against boys? No?

Well, it is time to stop putting pressure on your child and simply let them enjoy playing.

Are there exceptions to the rule? Of course.

Jamie Vardy is a great example of this but for every Vardy story there are millions more without the ‘happily ever after’ ending.

Going back to my friend…He finished playing in his mid-teens, which is such a shame.

Some of the best memories of my life involve me playing amateur football well into my late 20’s.

I’d still be doing it now if I had not suffered a serious knee injury.

I carried on playing because I loved the sport due to the fact I was left to enjoy it with no unnecessary pressure.

I wasn’t good enough for an academy but that didn’t matter!

The benefits of playing competitive sport well into my adult years meant I built up a lot of skills that have helped me in more ways than I’ll ever know.

I became more resilient, I learnt how to lead/work in a team, I learnt to understand how to learn from winning AND losing and I made friends for life.

It has helped me in my work, family and social life.

All things I would have missed out on if my parents had put too much pressure on me in my early years which meant I stopped playing because I lost the love.

Does that mean your child should stop chasing the dream?

No. But is it their dream or yours?

The great thing these days is there is so many more opportunities for young players compared to years ago.

Semi-professional football, combining college education with football and scholarships to the US are all amazing things they could look at.

But that all depends on them sticking with football in the long-term.

That won’t happen if they don’t enjoy it.We should always teach our children to work hard, push through adversities and keep moving forward.

There are some examples of older players getting into academies in their later years – there are exemptions to the rule.

But there are very few stories of those players making it to the professional game.

But, either way, they should not be made to feel that getting into an academy is a measure of success.

Football is about so much more than that